Mastering The Energy of Love
Day 7: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a blessing.
One of the most loving things you can do is forgive yourself and others. It releases any responsibility or control you feel you have in holding others or even yourself accountable. Carrying the experience or the pain of the experience is a burden you don’t deserve to bare and it serves to deny you love.
Being Held Hostage
When we continue to hold others responsible for how we feel (we get more into this in the Authority section) we hold ourselves hostage. But when we relieve someone of we think they should be accountable for, we also relieve ourselves of trying to hold them to it. We don’t allow ourselves to move on or to feel good because we are ladened with the burden or holding someone else accountable.
Hoʻoponopono is a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It allows you to assume responsibility for what is yours like your feelings and your actions. In taking responsibility of that, you get to control all aspects of your healing and release any pain and separation it has caused you. When we wait for someone else to step up, we give all the power to heal over to them.
For everything. I’m serious.
Sometimes we don’t realize how much guilt, shame, and regret we carry around about the past choices we’ve made or experiences we’ve had. We also sometimes reflect with the knowledge we have now and judge ourselves for not knowing better and all this creates a blockage to receiving love as if the things in your past make you unworthy.
Why is this important?
The energy of forgiveness creates a state of neutrality. So outside of the fact that you deserve to be free of the burden painful experiences create, this will help you step above the low vibrational feelings of guilt, shame, anger, etc into neutrality. And when you’re neutral you can open up to love, joy, happiness.
How To Forgive Yourself
You start by understanding where you’re holding yourself hostage. Sometimes this will come up when memories surface that are cringe-worthy, or sometimes someone will accuse you of something. However it shows up, here’s how you can deal with it:
Take a deep breath to come back to the present moment
Remind yourself that you’re ok
Tell yourself that you are innocent no matter what you did
Remind yourself that even if you knew it was wrong you didn’t know enough to stop yourself or why you still chose to do it but when you knew better, you did better
It’s in the past, and no amount of guilt, shame, stress, or worry will change it
Say the following:
“Thank you for bringing this part of me into my awareness so that I can release it. I’m sorry for harboring thoughts that created separation within me. I love myself. I am one with the Universe. I allow myself to be whole. I give myself permission to forgive me. I forgive me.”
Sometimes, it will be enough to remind yourself that you are worthy of being forgiven.
This is equally as hard sometimes I feel because we are taught to hold others accountable for their actions, especially if they’ve done something that has caused or brings up emotional pain for us. But you’re not responsible for them, their behaviour, and they are responsible for how you feel. This just gives away your power to heal and let more love in.
Why do you need to?
To relieve yourself of the burden of being responsible for someone else, and to let go of old energy that just keeps you stuck reliving the past. You have no control over how people behave and while an apologize is nice, waiting for one can leave you feeling powerless.
How To Forgive Others
You start by acknowledging that this doesn’t negate what happened or how you feel. Whatever happened was real, but you’re no longer going to let it plague your present moment.
Take the time to acknowledge how everything made you feel.
Allow yourself to express how you feel (not necessarily to the person) – Talk out loud, journal, cry, yell
Acknowledge that what happened to you is not what you deserved and it wasn’t your fault
Accept that you are the only person that can provide and opportunity to heal from this
Let go of any expectations of the other person being accountable (if they step up it will be icing on the cake)
Choose to release any responsibility for the situation and let go
Say the following:
“Thank you for bringing this part of me into my awareness so that I can release it. I’m sorry for harboring thoughts that created separation for us. I love you. You and I are one with each other and the Universe. I forgive you. I forgive me. I give you permission to forgive me. I give you permission to forgive you.”
Do you struggle with forgiveness?
Can you feel into why that might be? (if you do)
How do you feel once you’ve forgiven yourself?
How do you feel once you’ve forgiven others?
Homework: Pick one person from your past to forgive or forgive yourself from something in the past